Whenever I tell someone that I’m a Gilmore Girls fan, I receive the question in response, “Are you team Dean, Jess, or Logan?” Originally, I was a Dean fan, as most people start. But as I re-watched the show and matured, I quickly became a Jess fan. As someone who studies communication and relationships between people, especially depending on their gender, I find that Rory Gilmore’s romantic relationships are reflected in her experiences with her father figures. 

The first father figure I would like to analyze is Christopher Hayden, Rory Gilmore’s biological father. Her father was on and off in his fatherly duties toward Rory throughout her entire childhood. This repetitive abandonment left Rory confused about what real love was. 

Rory’s emotional confusion led to her breakup with Dean Forester on their three-month anniversary. Rory and Dean’s relationship was a toxic one, with Dean being controlling and Rory doing everything in her power to make sure that Dean wouldn’t leave. She even dressed up as Donna Reed to impress Dean after hearing his views on women in the house and gender roles (#redflag!). 

Dean leads me to discuss Luke Danes, the diner owner who fought Dean after their highly publicized breakup. Other than this fight, Luke is the responsible father figure that Rory didn’t have. He was there for all her birthdays, fed her every day, and even attended Rory’s graduation ceremony. Rory had a very healthy relationship with Luke because he loved her as if she was his own daughter. 

Luke’s nephew, Jess Mariano, was Rory’s second boyfriend in the show. Jess wasn’t Rory’s best boyfriend, but he was the best person at the time, and he ended up being an amazing friend to Rory during her college years. Every Gilmore Girls fan knows the Jess speech about her dropping out of Yale. He encouraged her to continue with school, just as she had encouraged him during high school. 

The last major relationship I would like to touch upon is Rory’s third and final romantic relationship, with Logan Huntzberger. Logan went to Yale with Rory and won her over by persistently following her around and making a fool of himself to get her attention. This relationship started off disastrous and continued into a garbage fire when they stole a yacht. Rory and Logan even continued their relationship years later in the form of an affair because Logan was already in a committed relationship with another woman. 

Analyzing these relationships makes me think about the connection between Rory’s relationship with her biological father, and her actions in her romantic relationships. With Dean, she was trying to be too much of a people pleaser because she didn’t want to lose him as she had lost her father many times before. With Jess, Rory went through her inevitable “bad boy” phase where she dated someone who was the total opposite of herself just to sabotage her life. Lastly, with Logan, Rory had another toxic relationship where she followed along with everything Logan wanted to do within the Life and Death Brigade, eventually influencing her into the idea of stealing a yacht (which… was it really all her own idea?).