Photo by Teslariu Mihai on Unsplash

Existentialist philosophers remind us that human beings often choose comfort over conflict. To live in bad faith, as Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir argue, is to surrender freedom for the security of familiarity. Instead of embracing responsibility for our choices, we cling to patterns and roles that feel safe—even if they limit us.

When applied to gender and sexuality, bad faith is everywhere. We see it in people conforming to traditional gender roles because it feels easier than resisting them. We see it in women sacrificing their independence for relationships that don’t serve them, or in queer people hiding their identities because of fear. Living in bad faith is not just a philosophical problem—it’s a deeply gendered one.

---

Beauvoir and the Woman in Love

In The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir writes in “The Woman in Love” that many women surrender their freedom by making love the center of their existence. Instead of taking responsibility for their own lives, they define themselves through another, which traps them in dependency. Beauvoir describes this surrender as agonizing yet common—because independence feels too terrifying to embrace.

This resonates beyond romantic relationships. It extends to friendships, family, and even the social identities we cling to. Choosing comfort often means sacrificing authenticity.

---

My Story: Bad Faith in Friendship

I recognize my own bad faith most clearly in my friendships. For years, I stayed with friend groups that hurt me because I feared being alone. From childhood friends who talked behind my back to later friendships full of jealousy, manipulation, and exclusion, I accepted treatment that chipped away at my confidence—because it felt safer than facing the discomfort of isolation.

Beauvoir’s words echo here: “It is agonizing for a woman to assume responsibility for her life.” For me, the agony was admitting that being friendless was better than being surrounded by people who didn’t truly care for me. Staying in those friendships was my way of hiding in bad faith—pretending I was happy, clinging to the image of belonging, while denying the truth of my own unhappiness.

---

Gender, Sexuality, and the Illusion of Belonging

This cycle is not unique to me—it mirrors broader dynamics of gender and sexuality. Many women are taught that their value lies in being chosen: by friends, by men, by society. Many queer people feel pressured to stay in the closet, not because it’s true to who they are, but because it’s more comfortable for others. We internalize the idea that our worth depends on fitting in, even when that belonging harms us.

Bad faith thrives in these moments. We deny our freedom, telling ourselves we “have no choice” but to remain in toxic relationships, gender roles, or closets. But existentialism insists: we always have a choice. The question is whether we have the courage to act on it.

---

Toward Authentic Freedom

Today, I see friendship differently. I no longer measure my worth by how many people sit at my table. I’ve learned that two or three loyal friends are worth more than a dozen toxic ones. I’ve also learned that being alone is not failure—it can be freedom.

Breaking free of bad faith means embracing discomfort. It means admitting that love, friendship, gender roles, or even sexual identities should never trap us in patterns that deny our freedom. Existentialism asks us to stop leaving our fate in the hands of others and start choosing ourselves.